so close, yet sooooooo faaaaarrrrr.....

how in THE WORLD is it that the last seven days of this tour feel longer than the last seven months?  a few weeks ago, when some of us were conjecturing that the end would fly by, nicole had it right:  it was going to drag, and drag bad.  badly.  bad.  whatever.  

my skin is literally crawling to be home.  no one can do right by me these days, and for 90% of the people here, that's through no fault of their own.  (the other 10% are simply failures as people, so they can just stew in that pot all together.)  i'm just on edge and angry and rubbed raw, and i am done.  i have nothing left to give and no interest in giving anyway.  

i've been counting down days for about four weeks.  counting down shows for about two weeks.  today i considered counting the hours left, but i refrained, as i thought that would just make me feel a little crazier.  that's it.  i feel crazy.

the glamourous life.

gotta be one of the best travel day stories ever:

so we all bring our luggage down to load the bus for our travel day from Columbus, OH to Charleston, WV yesterday. there at the curb to greet us are two buses: one that looks like it ferried passengers from California to Tijuana in the late seventies, and one seriously old-school bus (literally, an old SCHOOL bus). the two grizzly dudes who were driving grabbed our suitcases and put them in the school bus, informing us that we would be riding in the other (henceforward known as the TJ bus). we got on the TJ bus and promptly realized that it lacked any sort of air conditioning. being the troopers that we are, we popped the emergency hatches for a breeze and took off.

after having gone about 30 miles over the next hour, we realized that our little TJ bus didn't have a whole lot of get-up-and-go, especially when headed uphill, which is pretty common driving around in Ohio. so our magical company manager starts calling the bus dispatch for them to send us another bus, but none were available yet. meanwhile, clothes start coming off, water gets passed around, and cameras come out to capture us at our sweatiest hot-mess-ness.

not too long after that, our tranny little caravan pulled over to the side of the road. our TJ bus driver runs out, and a few of our crew guys follow. we then get an update from Eric saying that the school bus burst a hose due to overheating, because it had been pushing us up the hills. dudes. the little-school-bus-that-could had been literally nose-to-booty PUSHING US up hills. i mean, come on.

so we make it down the road about a mile to the nearest truck stop, where we wait for an hour or so for a different bus (with a/c, thank you very much) to come and rescue us.

upshot? the company bought us lunch. :) all's well that ends well.

overdue lists.

it's getting tense around here again, seeing as how we're a week away from our second layoff. once more, we seem to be all on each others' nerves and going a little bit bonkers. so here are some lists to remind myself (and some of those in doraland who shall remain nameless) that it's really not that deep.

we could do with less:
passive agressive behavior
know-it-alls
hypocrisy
power trips
small theatre anger
dreary weather in the summer
three show days
muttering under your breath
diva 'tude

we really love:
when people open their homes to us for parties!
the confetti canons (even though we won't admit it)
hotel maid service
getting a paycheck every week
the prospect of what's next
planning cast fun times
sundress sundays
people who can take a note
creativity onstage
easy-breezy attitudes
baby mosh pits
finishing a three-show day

people. relax.

a slice of life from birmingham, alabama.

so during press the other day, we had some time to stop and go to breakfast at a pancake house. i went to use the restroom, where there were two stalls: one was occupied, and one was locked from the inside with no one in it. seeing as how i didn't want to crawl on the floor to unlock the latter, i waited for the first to clear. in came a woman who worked in the kitchen, and seeing that the stall was going unused, she asked if i was waiting. i told her it was locked. she promptly stepped up onto the sink, laid down over the top of the stall, hung her torso down inside the stall, unlocked the door, and slammed it open. she jumped back down, used the restroom, and left without washing her hands.

birhmingham, folks.

a collection of thoughts upon waking up in kitchener, ontario.

ouch. my neck.
what city is this?
really? i'm back on tour already?
really? it's may 26th and 48 degrees outside?
my feet feel pretty good this morning!
so glad i'm on tour with this particular cast. otherwise today would be r-u-f-f.
three shows today -- take it one act at a time.
john and kate -- awwwwkward.
payday is friday!!!
gotta do some pilat's before the first show. and tape my feet. and eat some oatmeal.
where's ryan?
i kinda like the threadbare sheets in this hotel. hm.
rain. boo.
do i beat my roommate to the shower or do i lay here some more? (verdict: beat her to the shower.)
definitely a hat day.
i didn't bring enough clothes back. ryan would be so proud.
so you think you can dance will get me through this week!
lots of questions to ask at the venue today -- bugging management is not my favie.
let's go bang this out!

i know, i know.

i don't blog that often! and here's why i think that's so: i have too many thoughts in my head to sort through, and i'm self-conscious about putting information that's so close to my heart out into the world for all to see. i think maybe that's the purpose of blogging to begin with, but i'm still guarded about it. it's a very exhibitionist and passive-aggressive thing at its heart, i think. but whatever. i participate. : )

still on tour with dora, and i'm climbing the walls. our first of two one-week layoffs starts in five days, and we're all about to go over the edge. i couldn't ask for a more amazing group of people to be touring with, but LORD do we all need a break. from each other, from the show, from traveling, from living on restaurant food, from suitcases, from whatever. break time.

been thinking a lot lately, and taking stock (of what i haaaave and what i haveeeen't! for 64,000 tax-free dollars, name that show!). i'm so happy to be employed and to be a working actor -- grateful beyond words. but the deal is that children's theatre is not where i want to be. so i take this for what it is: a step in the right direction toward where i know i will eventually end up. realizing that about a job is tough stuff, and sometimes makes it a little harder to get through each day or even each show. but it is what it is and i know that there is more beyond this for me.

xoxo