sueno!

i had the weirdest dream last night. in my dream, i had never quit my teaching job -- i had just been taking vacation and sick days for the last two years. i got a call from the principal, saying that i was out of vacation days and needed to come back and teach the last two weeks of school, despite the fact that i hadn't worked with the kids in two years and they had multiple concerts and finals coming up. so i went back to teach and found that i was pretty excited to be there; i missed the kids and the music, and it was nice to be back. what i found, though, was a childhood friend from elementary school with her new baby in a portable trailer classroom, and a bunch of sullen choir kids, all of whom i knew to be the most upbeat, positive, wonderful people i had ever come in contact with. i started to organize things and then i woke up.

such a control freak! i mean, of course i miss my students with all of my heart, but i know i'm in the right place for me at this point in my life. but even in my dreams, i'm trying to keep things at downey the way i knew them to be. in a strange way, i kind of enjoyed the dream, because it reminded me that that part of me is still there. when you're a performer at my level, your job is to do what everyone tells you to do -- hit this mark, sing the note this way, get on this bus and go to this city. i miss the part of teaching where i created experiences for other people, and was fully in charge of those experiences. when you get down to it, i suppose both careers are about creating experiences for an "audience," but in two entirely different ways. hoping someday i'll find the middle ground!

xoxo

a collection of thoughts upon waking up in kitchener, ontario.

ouch. my neck.
what city is this?
really? i'm back on tour already?
really? it's may 26th and 48 degrees outside?
my feet feel pretty good this morning!
so glad i'm on tour with this particular cast. otherwise today would be r-u-f-f.
three shows today -- take it one act at a time.
john and kate -- awwwwkward.
payday is friday!!!
gotta do some pilat's before the first show. and tape my feet. and eat some oatmeal.
where's ryan?
i kinda like the threadbare sheets in this hotel. hm.
rain. boo.
do i beat my roommate to the shower or do i lay here some more? (verdict: beat her to the shower.)
definitely a hat day.
i didn't bring enough clothes back. ryan would be so proud.
so you think you can dance will get me through this week!
lots of questions to ask at the venue today -- bugging management is not my favie.
let's go bang this out!

i know, i know.

i don't blog that often! and here's why i think that's so: i have too many thoughts in my head to sort through, and i'm self-conscious about putting information that's so close to my heart out into the world for all to see. i think maybe that's the purpose of blogging to begin with, but i'm still guarded about it. it's a very exhibitionist and passive-aggressive thing at its heart, i think. but whatever. i participate. : )

still on tour with dora, and i'm climbing the walls. our first of two one-week layoffs starts in five days, and we're all about to go over the edge. i couldn't ask for a more amazing group of people to be touring with, but LORD do we all need a break. from each other, from the show, from traveling, from living on restaurant food, from suitcases, from whatever. break time.

been thinking a lot lately, and taking stock (of what i haaaave and what i haveeeen't! for 64,000 tax-free dollars, name that show!). i'm so happy to be employed and to be a working actor -- grateful beyond words. but the deal is that children's theatre is not where i want to be. so i take this for what it is: a step in the right direction toward where i know i will eventually end up. realizing that about a job is tough stuff, and sometimes makes it a little harder to get through each day or even each show. but it is what it is and i know that there is more beyond this for me.

xoxo