Taking stock again.

And now that I think about it, we're closing out a whole decade! Intense. So the first 10 years of this millenium have treated me pretty well. Here's what I did:

-graduated college
-got a teaching credential
-got an awesome teaching job and taught the best students in the world
-traveled to Canada, France, Brazil, China, and Japan
-moved to NYC
-worked as an actor for 2 solid years (so far!)
-finally closed the chapter of my life revolving around a certain few toxic people
-toured the US twice
-worked as a dancer in a Disneyland parade
-bought a home
-met some amazing people
-fell in love and out of love and then in love and then out of love again and then in love and stayed there :)


xoxo

Taking Stock

There will probably be a few of these posts as the year draws to a close. It's interesting -- when I was teaching, I always did my reflecting and taking stock in the summer time; for so long, my "year" was from September to June. But in this world, I roll with everyone else, and so I've been looking back on 2009 and trying to fathom how in the world all of it actually happened.

All in all, I would call 2009 pretty intense. I'm so thankful to have worked so steadily -- 8 months on Dora and 3 months in China only leaves a few weeks when I wasn't gainfully employed as a working actor, and to me, that's pretty amazing. When you come down to it, I had good jobs, whether or not they're where I see myself eventually ending up. I spent 8 months away from Ryan on Dora, but then got to travel to China with him, so you do the math on that one. I'm hoping that next year brings us a little more work together and a little less distance. I started out 2009 with a looooong case of mono, which was immediately followed by being diagnosed with plantar fasciitis and bone spurs in my heels. But after months of icing and taping and wearing orthotics, my feet are getting back into fighting shape, and I can actually dance again.

I hiked the Great Wall, did more morning show interviews than I can count, had a phone conversation with a Real Housewife, was pushed up a hill by a schoolbus, went to Disneyland in Tokyo, ate the best french toast in the world, headlined at Radio City Music Hall for 90 minutes of my life, fought for what I knew was right and won, found out I'm going to be an aunt, worked as hard as I could, and learned a whole bunch -- about myself and about the world around me.

I'm giving 2009 a big ol' thumbs-up.

xoxo

Home Sweet Home.

After quite a journey, Ryan and I are outta China and in my hometown, recovering from our crazy experiences! We flew from Shanghai to Japan, and from Japan to San Francisco. It's pretty unreal, the way you can start a day on one side of the world and finish it on another. Because of the way the time changes on the way back, we actually landed in SF before we took off from China. So we lived Friday twice. Bonus.

All in all, China is a pretty crazy joint. I'm so glad to have experienced it, and I enjoyed so much about it -- it's unlike any place I've ever been. It's just unfortunate that our involvement with such a bunk company really colored our experience there; it's hard to look past getting screwed time and time again, and try to appreciate the virtues of the hometown of the people that are doing the screwing. In any case, I'm better, smarter, and stronger after having survived through it all, so I'm thankful for that.

Yesterday, Ryan and I went out to my folk's house again, this time to show him around the farm and just hang out with my dad a little bit. I always love being out in the country, and I always forget how much I miss it. I showed Ryan the yard and animals, and Dad took us on a ride through the orchards. It was a beautiful day!



America rocks.

xoxo

Why, I Oughta...

So it's my own stupid fault, but my wallet got stolen today. Like a big dumb jerk, I wore a small backpack to the cheap market in Shanghai, and left my wallet inside. And like a big dumb jerk, I didn't feel it when some sneaky, despicable little thief unzipped it and took my wallet out while it was still on my back. And like a big dumb jerk, I didn't realize it had happened until we got into a cab to go home.

I'm mostly upset with myself, because I had even thought, before leaving the hotel, that it probably wouldn't be a good idea to have my wallet on my back, especially at such a busy, un-trustworthy place. Lesson learned, friends. If there's ever a place to learn not to trust people, it's Shanghai.

But at the same time, mistake on my part or not, it's NOT OKAY to steal things. And until it happens to you, you forget what a total violation it is. It's a horrible, sinking feeling, to know that you are a target, and that someone took something from you with malicious intent.

It's gross. GROSS, SHANGHAI!

xoxo
c.

Pluses.

Yikes! So my darling friend Patty O brought to my attention that according to my blogs, it seems as though I haven't enjoyed China whatsoever. I'm so bummed with myself for only posting negative things on here! I guess this is just where I go to vent, and I don't realize that it all adds up to seem like I'm not having a good time. So here's a list of all of the amazing things that I've loved about the last couple of months.

-being in a place with such a rich, ancient history
-meeting new people and making cross-cultural relationships work, despite a lack of complete knowledge of each others' language
-our darling, sweet dressers and costumers
-Leon, my front desk buddy who has a secret Chinese crush on me
-the cool, crazy architecture with lots of shingles and peaked eaves
-how everything has a meaning and a purpose, beyond just being nice to look at
-how cheap everything is :)
-realizing, in the rehearsal process, that I'm better at my job than I give myself credit for
-having the opportunity to experience history, namely in Beijing: Great Wall, Tiananmen Square, and so on
-the fact that price is often up to interpretation -- I love haggling
-a good plate of legit Shanghai fried rice
-living in a huge downtown high rise, one block from a nice big theatre, where I work!
-the adventure of planning days and excursions to see something completely new
-experiencing a culture that is completely the opposite of everything I know, and how that has opened my eyes

Thanks, China.
xoxo

Bei-to-the-Jing

After much trial and tribulation, a few of us decided to head to Beijing (and get the heck out of Shanghai) for our 3 days off. A little tricky, seeing as how we only have a week's worth of pay left, and the holidays are coming, and some folks in the cast are straight up broke. But the bottom line is that a trip to China without seeing the Great Wall is total bunk, right? Right.

So we hopped in a cab, then in a plane, then in a bus, then in another bus, and we were in Beijing. We stayed at Beijing Downtown Backpackers' Hostel, which I totes recommend for all you future Beijing-ers. It was fantastic, and in such a cool part of town. It's on a hutong, which is an alley that's packed with cool little shops, bars, and restaurants. Do it.

So the Forbidden City was awesome, the pandas at the zoo were awesome, Tiananmen Square and Mao's embalmed body were (totally creepy and weird...) awesome. But the Great Wall was something more than awesome. Awe-inspiring? Amazing? I don't know. I guess I overuse awesome and amazing, because the Great Wall was both, in their literal meanings.

Anyhoo, we hiked the Jinshanling to Simatai section, which is the hardest section open to the public near Beijing. It's unrepaired, so it's pretty treacherous, and it's about 7.5 miles of either extremely steep stairs and ramps going up, or extremely steep stairs and ramps going down. Which is almost worse than going up. Ouch, my knees...

But in spite of the tough hike and the (ridiculous!) cold, we made it. It was one of the coolest experiences I've ever had, and I was so proud of us all by the end. It's such a feeling of accomplishment, and it's so inspiring to be all up in the middle of all that history. I wouldn't have missed it for the world.

Keep it Positive.

So rather than go on a rant about how ridiculous, incompetent, untrustworthy, and out-of-touch with reality this company that I'm working for is (didja see how I slipped those in there anyway?), I'm going to make a list of things that I'm looking forward to when we return to the States in 2 weeks. Because our show is closing.

-my Blackberry
-tap water
-ice
-English
-nice people who smile and don't spit everywhere
-Mexican food
-family
-air that doesn't pollute your body and make you feel like you're dying
-a lack of MSG
-being able to trust people
-Christmas
-normal, un-censored internet
-root beer
-being able to cross a street without risking my life
-Starbucks chai
-a large fluffy couch
-a soft bed
-moving on with life!

xoxo

Lost in Translation

To entertain you, here is a sampling of the horrific translation that our Chinese audience reads on the supertitle boards, as our cast is singing American theatre classics.

English: "That's why the lady is a tramp."
Chinese: "That's why the woman is a hooker."

English: "Forget your troubles, c'mon get happy! Get ready for the judgement day."
Chinese: "Get ready for the apocalypse."

English: "Anything goes!"
Chinese: "Everything means nothing."

Another addition to the long list of things that are all so very backwards in China.

xoxo

"Experts."

One of the things highest on my list of pet peeves (perhaps second only to eating with your mouth open) is a self-proclaimed expert. These days, I feel surrounded by numerous people who feel that their opinion and information on just about any topic under the sun is the be-all, end-all. And I just can't deal with that.

Need to know how to cook an egg? Ask the expert. Need to know how to do a double pirouette? Ask the expert. Need to know how to solve world hunger and create world peace? Ask the expert. The SAME expert for all of these issues, mind you, because people these days are "experts" on stinkin' EVERYTHING! I mean, surely you are not telling me the answer to a question that I asked the person next to you, who actually knows something about the topic of my inquiry? But time and time again, I'm proved wrong. The expert always likes to show you that they know. Whether they're right or wrong.

Maybe that's the answer. Maybe the "expert" doesn't care if he's right or wrong. Maybe he just wants to talk. Just to hear himself and prove to himself that he's still there. Just to reaffirm that he's important enough to know something about everything.

Well, here's what I say to that: BE AS YOU ARE. It's good enough. It's smart enough. And it doesn't annoy or offend people. If everyone was just as they are, people would be so much more comfortable. We wouldn't have to smash people down to build ourselves up. We wouldn't have to hurt other people in an effort to feel important. And we wouldn't have to run our mouths on topics with which we're only vaguely familiar, so that we can feel like we're needed and intelligent.

Dudes. Know what you know. Learn what you can learn. Don't force it on anyone. And just be as you are.

xoxo

Oh, China...

So... Guess who's leaving China early? WE ARE!

I would love to divulge all the dirty details about why we're leaving, but suffice it to say that this production company has more than a few things to learn about doing business. And it would just be bad karma to put all their dirty laundry out into the world via my little ol' blog.

In any case, we're leaving in six weeks, which means that we'll be home for Christmas! And in honor of this joyous occasion, Ryan bought me the tiniest fake Christmas tree ever at a 100 yen store in Japan, complete with mini decorations.



Put the kettle on kids, we're comin' home! Happy Holidays!

xoxo

Turning Japanese

It's kind of a cop-out, but Japan can best be summed up by copying and pasting an email I sent to my parents. Ta-daaaaa!

so here's the deal. japan is waaaaaay cooler than china.

first of all, it's cleaner. china is smoggy and messy and always under construction because they just want everything to be bigger and better. also, there's this huge Architectural Expo in Shanghai next year, and they're rennovating all of these buildings, even ones that are old and beautiful. did you know that almost a quarter of the world's construction cranes are in shanghai? there's a crane everywhere you look. but in japan, the air is clean and the streets are clean, even though there are no garbage cans anywhere. people don't eat or drink on the subway because it's impolite. and they certainly don't litter. (there's not a lot of litter in shanghai, but that's because they have street sweepers everynight. everyone has a government job, even if it's dusting the shelves in a tourist souvenir shop.)

second of all, everyone is so much nicer in japan. they don't shove, they don't judge you for not knowing the language, they smile, they're welcoming, and they just have a much more kind and gentle vibe. chinese people are all about what gets them ahead personally and they don't really care who they mow down in the process.

also, japanese people seem so much more interested in preserving their traditions and cultures. there are still people in the adult generation who wear kimonos on a daily basis, because it's their heritage. we saw plenty of them. (we've never seen anyone in traditional chinese dress.) they don't knock down their older buildings, they let them be or turn them into a museum or whatever. but there are still plenty of new, city-like areas of tokyo. there's nothing old in shanghai. it all got burned down or changed during the cultural revolution, from what i've read and researched. there are a couple of temples left, and a couple of gardens, but even those were burned down and then reconstructed.

also, (and this is totally superficial), japanese people are beautiful. and every last one of them is fashionable. they take so much pride and care in how they look. it was interesting. and the shopping is way better. :)

xoxo

Blog Guilt and Spooky Fun

Gah. Worst: not blogging and then feeling bad about it. I mean, probably no one really reads it anyway, but I still feel guilty. Moving on!

Gonna try to take the latest piece by piece. Lots has happened in the last few weeks, so we'll try to cover it all in a few posts.

Halloween happened! We were flying back from Japan (where they actually celebrate) on Halloween, so that was a little tricky. They don't seem too into the Halloween thing in China, but thanks to my sis, we had some excellent decorations waiting for us in our Shanghai hotel room. And to make up for the fact that we were traveling, we watched Nightmare Before Christmas before getting on the plane. Side note: we first tried to watch Hocus Pocus (only the best Halloween movie EVER), but it was accidentally in Italian. Long story.

Moral of the story: blog more, check languages on the movies that you download, and always have a jack-o'-lantern punching ball handy.

xoxo

Fall, Japan, and Ingesting Things I Shouldn't.

I always forget that Fall is one of my favorite seaons. There's something so clean and new about it -- I alays feel that way, even though Spring is supposed to be the season of rebirth and blah blah blah. I feel like the sky is clearer in Fall. It makes me miss California. :)

Soooo we've been in China for a little over a month now, and I'm ashamed to say that I've explored next to nothing. I use the excuse that we've been in rehearsal all day and night, but really I just haven't been into it yet. But now that the show is open (details of which I'll not post here, for fear of getting fired), we have all day free -- which basically feels like a vacation with a trip to the theatre every evening. So that's pretty nice.

Most of the exploring we've done is culinary... And by that, I mean finding things that are familiar and edible. Don't get me wrong -- the Chinese food is cheap, plenty, and delicious. But after rice and noodles so many times a week, this California girl needs her staples. Among our favorite finds: Mexican food Wednesdays at a sports bar, two-for-one burgers and all day breakfast at a 24-hour diner, and 15 RMB sub-of-the-day at Subway. I could live on that alone for a good while.

More excitement: some of us are heading to Japan for our first 10-day break from the show. We're staying in Tokyo for about a week, and are just going to see what adventures find us! It's opportunities like this one that make me stop, take stock, and be grateful for where I am and what I'm doing. Just the ability to explore the world in this way, travel, and experience all of these things while we're actually working and performing is a crazy blessing. Pretty amazing.

In other news, China's been celebrating their Fall Festival, which involves the eating of lots of little pastries called mooncakes, in honor of Chang E, the mythical moon Goddess of Immortality. They package them in the stores in these little plastic baggies in the stores. The other day I was eating one, trying to be all adventurous, and in the little baggie was a separate small package of what I supposed was extra flavoring for the mooncake. So I ripped it open and started to taste it before I realized that it said on the package "Do Not Eat. Oxygen Absorber."

Awesome.
xoxo

Listaroo

Things I Miss in China:

ice

napkins

speaking the language that everyone else speaks

meat without fat on it

meat in general

Mexican food

paying with a card

tap water

my personal bubble when in public

salads

easy internet

margaritas

So interesting, the things you take for granted!

Broadway Bootcamp

So, the reality is that there is probably no better class that I could be taking right now to get myself back into shape after being on tour for so long. One of my qualms with coming to China was that I had been really looking forward to just living in the city, taking a ton of dance classes and voice lessons, and getting fierce for the next big audition season. But this -- this will do the trick just fine.

We're singing and dancing for 7 hours daily, and as a dance swing, I'm covering 5 girls' tracks. It's completely intense, and I find myself not struggling to keep up so much with the amount of material, but with the technique -- these girls are all gorgeous dancers, and I struggle just to keep a double pirouette clean. There are multiple times daily where, literally, I remind myself that giving up is not an option. I'm here, in this amazing new place, with an opportunity to come out of this experience better (on so many levels), and I will push through. But if Jenn says "double in tap shoes" one more time, I'm gonna cry.

The great thing is that the majority of the dancers are so sweet, and willing to help with anything that I need. I'm completely up front about the fact that I'm not a dancer-dancer, and that this is definitely a learning experience for me. But the bottom line is that if I need to go in for someone, I want to do that track justice, and not just "get by."

So that's where I am. Oh, and: don't drink the water.

xoxo

Retro Blog

Only retro inasmuch as I wrote this blog on the plane heading to Shanghai, but couldn't post it due to lack o' internet. Here she is.

It's about halfway through the flight to Shanghai, and I think we're somewhere near the top of the world. At least that's what it looks like on the map. Jackie thought we'd fly west, I thought we'd fly east, Ryan thought we'd fly right up and over the top. Ryan was right. :) (Sidebar: Anyone ever see that episode of The West Wing where there's a committee that wants to flip the map of the world upside-down, because they claimed that once upon a time someone just randomly decided that north was up, and there's nothing that says north can't be down? Intense. Think about it...)

(Oooh! Another sidebar: I'm watching Mulan on the in-flight tv. Isn't "I'll Make a Man Out of You" a freakin' awesome song? When they sing a cappella in unison octaves at the end?!? Gah!! Men's voices in a choral setting drive me out of my mind. In the good way.)

Anyhoo, when we got on the plane today, they were playing James Taylor's version of "Oh, What a Beautiful Mornin'" from Oklahoma! I thought it was a good sign. And aside from some questionable "steak" that they served for dinner, that's all I have to report.

xoxo

ni hao and zai jian!

off to china tomorrow -- heading from Newark to Shanghai, nonstop. i'm sort of all turned around and not sure whether i'm coming or going; these last 2 weeks in the nyc have sort of felt like i'm still on tour and just waiting to go to the next city. i'm crossing my fingers for drawers in our hotel rooms in shanghai. it would blow my mind to open a drawer and see my clothes in it! drawers and hangers. that's all this girl really needs.

sooo... say a prayer, if you don't mind, that we all have safe travels and take care of each other. this, for sure, is going to be an adventure.

gen wo lai!!

xoxo

so close, yet sooooooo faaaaarrrrr.....

how in THE WORLD is it that the last seven days of this tour feel longer than the last seven months?  a few weeks ago, when some of us were conjecturing that the end would fly by, nicole had it right:  it was going to drag, and drag bad.  badly.  bad.  whatever.  

my skin is literally crawling to be home.  no one can do right by me these days, and for 90% of the people here, that's through no fault of their own.  (the other 10% are simply failures as people, so they can just stew in that pot all together.)  i'm just on edge and angry and rubbed raw, and i am done.  i have nothing left to give and no interest in giving anyway.  

i've been counting down days for about four weeks.  counting down shows for about two weeks.  today i considered counting the hours left, but i refrained, as i thought that would just make me feel a little crazier.  that's it.  i feel crazy.

facebook fanstuff

so here's the deal. i realize that you're not my fans. you're my friends. i know that. but the problem is that on facebook, they call it a "fan" page. if i could change the title to a "hey, what's going on in chelsea's career?" page, i would. but i can't. i feel a little bit like a tool inviting people to be my fans. but the deal is, that when you're an actor, you have to market yourself, plain and simple. you're a brand, and you are in charge of putting your brand out into the world for people to consume. and obviously, it's easiest to start with your friends. so be a fan. be a friend. be all of it, and suggest being a fan to your other friends. spread the love people, and i'll do the same for you.

xoxo

independence day.

here's what your 4th of july is like when you are a farmer's daughter.

you get to your cousins' house, and 35 of your relatives are already there, talking, eating, laughing, hugging. you make the rounds and say hello to everyone, and pick a chair to settle in. you catch up with everyone you can catch up with, and you load a plate with a giant burger, some potato salad, and some watermelon. you move around a little bit to try to chat with as many people as possible, and you listen and you laugh a lot. you watch the new babies swimming in the pool and remember the days when you and your generation were the babies. you watch the boys play horseshoes, you listen to the women talk about hot flashes, you pick at the dessert table. you talk a little louder to the older generation, and you admire someone's new haircut. you take the chairs out to the front lawn to get ready for the fireworks, and you watch the boys take a giant wheelbarrow full of them across the road to the canal bank. you look out at the fields and the orchards and the mountains and the perfect sky and you realize that you feel good in so much space. you snuggle under blankets with your family, and ooh and aah at the show, and pat your dad on the back for picking the best fireworks out at the store. you hug everyone one more time, and you hop in your car and go home.

and you look up at the huge, open night sky, and see so many stars you can't count, and you know that it's about as much as a girl could ever ask for.

it has to be said.

i'm sorry. but i think that people who eat with an open mouth sound like barnyard animals. and it grosses me out.

the glamourous life.

gotta be one of the best travel day stories ever:

so we all bring our luggage down to load the bus for our travel day from Columbus, OH to Charleston, WV yesterday. there at the curb to greet us are two buses: one that looks like it ferried passengers from California to Tijuana in the late seventies, and one seriously old-school bus (literally, an old SCHOOL bus). the two grizzly dudes who were driving grabbed our suitcases and put them in the school bus, informing us that we would be riding in the other (henceforward known as the TJ bus). we got on the TJ bus and promptly realized that it lacked any sort of air conditioning. being the troopers that we are, we popped the emergency hatches for a breeze and took off.

after having gone about 30 miles over the next hour, we realized that our little TJ bus didn't have a whole lot of get-up-and-go, especially when headed uphill, which is pretty common driving around in Ohio. so our magical company manager starts calling the bus dispatch for them to send us another bus, but none were available yet. meanwhile, clothes start coming off, water gets passed around, and cameras come out to capture us at our sweatiest hot-mess-ness.

not too long after that, our tranny little caravan pulled over to the side of the road. our TJ bus driver runs out, and a few of our crew guys follow. we then get an update from Eric saying that the school bus burst a hose due to overheating, because it had been pushing us up the hills. dudes. the little-school-bus-that-could had been literally nose-to-booty PUSHING US up hills. i mean, come on.

so we make it down the road about a mile to the nearest truck stop, where we wait for an hour or so for a different bus (with a/c, thank you very much) to come and rescue us.

upshot? the company bought us lunch. :) all's well that ends well.

overdue lists.

it's getting tense around here again, seeing as how we're a week away from our second layoff. once more, we seem to be all on each others' nerves and going a little bit bonkers. so here are some lists to remind myself (and some of those in doraland who shall remain nameless) that it's really not that deep.

we could do with less:
passive agressive behavior
know-it-alls
hypocrisy
power trips
small theatre anger
dreary weather in the summer
three show days
muttering under your breath
diva 'tude

we really love:
when people open their homes to us for parties!
the confetti canons (even though we won't admit it)
hotel maid service
getting a paycheck every week
the prospect of what's next
planning cast fun times
sundress sundays
people who can take a note
creativity onstage
easy-breezy attitudes
baby mosh pits
finishing a three-show day

people. relax.

a slice of life from birmingham, alabama.

so during press the other day, we had some time to stop and go to breakfast at a pancake house. i went to use the restroom, where there were two stalls: one was occupied, and one was locked from the inside with no one in it. seeing as how i didn't want to crawl on the floor to unlock the latter, i waited for the first to clear. in came a woman who worked in the kitchen, and seeing that the stall was going unused, she asked if i was waiting. i told her it was locked. she promptly stepped up onto the sink, laid down over the top of the stall, hung her torso down inside the stall, unlocked the door, and slammed it open. she jumped back down, used the restroom, and left without washing her hands.

birhmingham, folks.

sueno!

i had the weirdest dream last night. in my dream, i had never quit my teaching job -- i had just been taking vacation and sick days for the last two years. i got a call from the principal, saying that i was out of vacation days and needed to come back and teach the last two weeks of school, despite the fact that i hadn't worked with the kids in two years and they had multiple concerts and finals coming up. so i went back to teach and found that i was pretty excited to be there; i missed the kids and the music, and it was nice to be back. what i found, though, was a childhood friend from elementary school with her new baby in a portable trailer classroom, and a bunch of sullen choir kids, all of whom i knew to be the most upbeat, positive, wonderful people i had ever come in contact with. i started to organize things and then i woke up.

such a control freak! i mean, of course i miss my students with all of my heart, but i know i'm in the right place for me at this point in my life. but even in my dreams, i'm trying to keep things at downey the way i knew them to be. in a strange way, i kind of enjoyed the dream, because it reminded me that that part of me is still there. when you're a performer at my level, your job is to do what everyone tells you to do -- hit this mark, sing the note this way, get on this bus and go to this city. i miss the part of teaching where i created experiences for other people, and was fully in charge of those experiences. when you get down to it, i suppose both careers are about creating experiences for an "audience," but in two entirely different ways. hoping someday i'll find the middle ground!

xoxo

a collection of thoughts upon waking up in kitchener, ontario.

ouch. my neck.
what city is this?
really? i'm back on tour already?
really? it's may 26th and 48 degrees outside?
my feet feel pretty good this morning!
so glad i'm on tour with this particular cast. otherwise today would be r-u-f-f.
three shows today -- take it one act at a time.
john and kate -- awwwwkward.
payday is friday!!!
gotta do some pilat's before the first show. and tape my feet. and eat some oatmeal.
where's ryan?
i kinda like the threadbare sheets in this hotel. hm.
rain. boo.
do i beat my roommate to the shower or do i lay here some more? (verdict: beat her to the shower.)
definitely a hat day.
i didn't bring enough clothes back. ryan would be so proud.
so you think you can dance will get me through this week!
lots of questions to ask at the venue today -- bugging management is not my favie.
let's go bang this out!

i know, i know.

i don't blog that often! and here's why i think that's so: i have too many thoughts in my head to sort through, and i'm self-conscious about putting information that's so close to my heart out into the world for all to see. i think maybe that's the purpose of blogging to begin with, but i'm still guarded about it. it's a very exhibitionist and passive-aggressive thing at its heart, i think. but whatever. i participate. : )

still on tour with dora, and i'm climbing the walls. our first of two one-week layoffs starts in five days, and we're all about to go over the edge. i couldn't ask for a more amazing group of people to be touring with, but LORD do we all need a break. from each other, from the show, from traveling, from living on restaurant food, from suitcases, from whatever. break time.

been thinking a lot lately, and taking stock (of what i haaaave and what i haveeeen't! for 64,000 tax-free dollars, name that show!). i'm so happy to be employed and to be a working actor -- grateful beyond words. but the deal is that children's theatre is not where i want to be. so i take this for what it is: a step in the right direction toward where i know i will eventually end up. realizing that about a job is tough stuff, and sometimes makes it a little harder to get through each day or even each show. but it is what it is and i know that there is more beyond this for me.

xoxo

amigos.

friends are a tricky business. i need the manual.

here's why my boyfriend rocks.

-he is my fake secretary.
-he makes dinner every single night when we live in the same apartment. and it's good.
-he comes to New Jersey just to help me with my luggage.
-he pretends not to be bored when we walk around Ricky's looking at nail polish.
-he's not afraid of mountains, water, dragons, dark, or sky.
-he can sing real pretty.
-he keeps ME driven. ME.
-he somehow knows how to talk me off of any ledge. and there are a lot of ledges in NYC.
-he knows how to get anywhere by subway.
-he makes a great mixed drink.
-he's just that right amount of confident without being pompous.
-he's a necessity if going on an adventure of any kind.
-he doesn't look too shabby in a pair of jeans.
-he wears scarves that I make him.
-he's got symmetrical teeth.

epiphany

so i realized yesterday that in a super-weird, musical-theatre-obsessed way, my life has come full circle.

in junior high, my mom and i discovered forbidden broadway. back in those days, she was my only broadway buddy, as i grew up in a rural area where sports and academics were the hip things to be into. so we got all into this forbidden broadway cast recording, and she and i would cackle about it all day long, but no one else had the vaguest idea what i was talking about when i would try to explain it to them. i would be met with blank stares and a lack of interest if i even tried to describe the hilarious brilliance of the whole thing.

so yesterday on the way to the bus during our travel day, tony (our darling diego) quotes the Chita-Rita West Side Story spoof from Forbidden Broadway Volume 2, and i freak out. we went on a quoting spree and made everyone sitting near us on the bus listen to the track. and it probably sounds thoroughly stupid, but i was so happy to be surrounded by people who know and appreciate what i love and find valuable. this is what i've wanted forever, and every once in a while i look up and realize that i've gotten it. i'm sort of living my dream a little bit, even if it took forbidden broadway to call it to my attention.

CAPS LOCK MEANS I'M SCREAMING!!!

okay, seriously, if i have to sit through one more meal during which people eat with their mouths open and smack their food, i will sincerely punch someone in the face. WHY IS THIS OKAY??? i can't deal with knowing what's in your mouth, and what it sounds like in there. keep it under wraps. where is your mother? who taught you that this is okay? stop smacking, stop sighing, stop moaning, and close your mouth. i want to hear you speak, not hear all the inner workings of the start of your digestive system.

maybe i'm a little on edge. but even on my best day, this would make me crazier than crazy.

stop it.

woah. betcha didn't know i had this in me...

*content removed and stored in an airtight vault...  i don't care that much any more.

:)

On the Road Again. (I know, I know... Couldn't I have come up with something more creative?)

So here we are in York, Pennsylvania, in a cute little hotel, re-learning how to live out of a suitcase. The cast of Dora the Explorer, Live: Search for the City of Lost Toys took off from NYC yesterday on a bus bound for York, where we're teching for about a week and a half and opening at the end of January. And I'm pretty stoked.

The thing is, last time I took off on tour, the circumstances were waaaaaay different. I was a replacement, so I literally left town four days after I auditioned, which means that I packed my life, moved into a storage unit, made arrangements for subletting, learned the replacement role, and said goodbyes by the seat of my pants and inside of a week. This time, I've been in on the show from the get-go, and we've been rehearsing in NY for two weeks. I know my stuff. I've had time to find the perfect subletter. I've had time to cover all the bases and say all the goodbyes I needed to. I've had the opportunity to begin friendships with my castmates. I know how to pack and what to bring. I have a strong, stable relationship that isn't in a shambles. And I have an idea of what this experience is going to be like.

I guess all of these add up to me feeling already more comfortable on this tour than I ever did on Diego. I don't feel like an intruder, and I don't feel like a beginner. I miss Ryan with a fierceness, but I know that it will just be okay, because we have been building something together that is solid as a rock. And that is another comfort -- knowing that it is all okay, and not having some trouble from back home hanging out in the back of my mind all the time.

So here's what I know: this is an experience of a lifetime, and this go around, I'm going to be fully present for it.