Tales from a Dominican Gym: The Cast

In the midst of my workout today, I had the sudden urge to introduce you to the cast of characters at Jay's Big Gym.  I identify these folks by their outstanding characteristics, hence their descriptive names.  Please note that some of the practices about to be described would be grounds for expulsion from any normal gym; fortunately for us, Jay's doesn't hold itself to any standards of health, sanitation, or normalcy.  Here are our players:

Little Big Legs.  A greasy, roided-up Latino gent, whose calves are about the size of my forearms, and whose quads are about the size of my torso.  I can't stop looking at them.  Also, whenever he talks, he looks like he's screaming.  Sometimes known in my head as Senor Napoleon.

Chiquita Banana.  Works out in full makeup, with long, beautiful, black curls down and perfectly done.  Only walks on the treadmill, and eats fruit while doing it.  Then leaves peels and pitts on the machines.  Once, was eating a banana while flirting with a guy on the next treadmill;  the banana flew out of her mouth mid-sentence.

I'm-a-Boxer.  "Teaches" boxing, although I'm not sure of his credentials.  Today I saw him studying from the Personal Training Manual, which means that he's not certified yet.  Every time I am at the gym, he is there.  Every single time.  All day.  Every day.  Mostly just hanging out.

Mr. Massage.  A trainer at the gym, who massages his clients on the workout mats in the middle of the gym.  With lotion.  For women, he lifts their shirts up and unclips their bras.  The mats don't get wiped down after.  I do not use mats at my gym.

Shoeless Jose.  Prefers to run on the treadmills barefoot.  No one seems to care. 

The Other White Girl.  Self explanatory.

Now, please keep in mind that these are just the leads.  We have an entire ensemble, made up of men who only go to the gym to try to do more pull ups than the other men, and women who only go to the gym to yell across the gym at other women while pretending to do cardio.

All in all, it's a pretty decent show.

xoxo